Happy Almost Weekend

My kids have finally stopped acting like circus animals. Or maybe those pills I popped have finally kicked in. Either way, my days have finally started to become bearable again, and I no longer want someone to adopt the 6-year-old. (Not to say I wouldn't still jump for joy if someone offered to borrow him for a few days though, just sayin').  We even had a nice visit to the playground for a picnic with my 83-year-old aunt yesterday. 

Until Pete climbed ON TOP of the humongous plastic dinosaur slide (it's not for climbing on. But an 8-year-old showed him how, so it's fine). He couldn't get down, so my sister had to climb up and try not to fall as she grabbed him. 

Then Chub refused to listen to everyone telling him to stay away from the edge of the water, and literally almost fell off a boat dock into the canal. Probably a 4 foot drop into water with no ledge to climb out. And he can't swim. No big deal. I almost died. 

And then my aunt told me that if he had fallen, I'd be calling an ambulance because she would be having a heart attack. 

I didn't bother pointing out that the real reason I'd be calling an ambulance would be to help my drowning son. Some things are better left unsaid. 

So we came home. 

And today we got to play with a 10-week-old baby. The boys now need a sister, obviously. 

Because I'm ridiculously good at handling the two kids I already have. 

My uterus is crying. 

Happy weekend! 

Have a healthy day, 

J

It's Friday,Friday,Friday

Have you heard that song? It's written by some young teenage girl who's parents are determined to make her famous. One of the teachers at my old school used to play the video for his kids every week. Click in this link and see for yourself. 

http://youtu.be/kfVsfOSbJY0

You're welcome. 

In other news, the other night while putting the boys to bed, Husband told them to say goodnight to each other. Without skipping a beat, the little one yelled out with a little wave, "G'night, Pete", and turned to walk out.  I thought J was gonna pee himself, and the kid's name will forever now be Pete. And he doesn't even care. He just responds by calling his brother Chub, and all is well in their world. 

So anyway, Pete gave Chub a bloody nose yesterday. Of course, it happened while I was in the phone, which is obviously unacceptable in my house. They were fighting (play fighting? I don't really know) and Pete kicked Chub in the face. 

Chub's reaction? He walked up to me with a face full of blood, waved, and said,  "hi Mama".  They then hugged it out, and he refused to each his face, insisting that the blood made him look so cool. 

Have I mentioned that I love being a boy mom?!?

Here they are, right before the bloody face incident. 

Happy Summery Friday! 

Have a healthy day, 

J

Holy Heat Wave

It's hot as balls out there. OMG. But I seriously can't complain too much because I would much rather have it like this than snowing. Mama doesn't do snow. 

But I DO do this pretty well: 

This heat is just making me so friggin' lazy!  

The boys and I went to the zoo for a little while yesterday morning. They have 2 brand new baby lions, but we didn't get to see them because by the time we walked all the way to the African exhibit, we felt like we were legit IN Africa. So we peaced outta there. 

I did drag my booty to Zumba later that day and almost died. We hit up the spray park afterwards. 

And now it's blazing hot again, for the fifth day in a row. I taught step this morning, which had the potential of bring completely disastrous. But don't worry- I rocked it, haha. 

I'm teaching again tonight, and my legs basically feel like they're falling off right now. Yet somehow they have enough strength to keep walking to the bulk bag of chocolate chips that I was supposed to turn in to cookies...

And in other news, I got a sweet manicure: 

You like?! 😉

Have a healthy day, 

J

Mama got a spray tan

Those of you who know me know that I am pale. Very pale. And living in a house of people who are way darker than I does nothing to help in this arena. 

The other day, I decided I was sick of looking sick. Sitting out in the sun doesn't really do much except turn me in to a ball of freckles, (and I'm deathly afraid of skin cancer). 

So I hit up the booth. 

I asked on FB where I should go and how much I should pay. A bunch of people suggested getting airbrushed, but lesbehonest- my cellulite and I prefer privacy. 

All I could think of was Ross from Friends when he gets spray tanned and ends up getting blasted in the face about 59 times and ends up orange. 

But (as I'm sure you know, because I think everyone on the planet has sprayed themselves brown except me), I didn't turn orange. I freaking loved how it turned out! 

I might even buy a monthly membership. 

Is that frivolous? 

But next time, I will purchase the feet stickers for $1. Cuz, you know, I'm kinda an idiot. 

But at least I'm not a pale idiot. 

Have a healthy day, 

J

My kid eats ants

There is nothing cute about it. Well, except my kid. He is cute.

Seriously. Here he is on his last day of kindergarten just a couple of weeks ago, looking fly and acting grown. 

Also, WELL beyond the acceptable ant-eating age. 

He did it a few weeks ago.  Picked up an ant and put it on his tongue. It bit him (ants bite??) and he spit it out. 

I thought it was over, and I thought wrong. 

Last weekend while at my parents' house  for a sleepover, they watched a movie about a kid who eats worms. They now challenge each other to eat all worms, both dead and alive, and put the challenge on my friend's innocent little boy a few days ago. And I honestly thought he was going to succumb to the pressure. 

My kids are so gross. 

This morning as I was frantically running around the house trying to get them to camp early in order to maximize my time away from them, (I mean that in the nicest sense possible), the little(r) one looks up at me and says, "mama, I just ate an ant. CJ told me to." I said, "CJ, quit telling your brother to do disgusting things."  His response: "it's fine Mom, I did it too."  Awesome. 

I told them if they do it again, the ants will probably lay eggs in their stomachs and they will have to go to the hospital to get a bunch of baby ants sucked out. Was that bad? 

I love  being a boy mom. 

Have a healthy day, 

J

For real this time.

Heeeyyyyy!!!!  I'm back!!!!!!  For real this time. I was planning in coming back when I had a witty comeback story to tell, but then nothing funny was happening. So then I decided that I would come back full force once summer started, and then that just didn't happen either. I'm actually not quite sure why I decided that today was the day, nor do I have any idea what I'm gonna write about.

I dropped the boys off at camp this morning, and went and got my toes did. Drop-off was a total shit show because the younger one wants nothing more than to climb back in to womb. I threw him, kicking and screaming, at one of the helpless teenagers, and sprinted outta there.



And you better believe that he's going back tomorrow. And he will have fun.

On another note, and yes, I fully realize that I am about to sound like a true suburban housewife, I have decided that I want nothing else in life than to become an extreme couponer. I mean, there are a lot of things that i would enjoy way more than an innate ability to buy 500 bottles of Gatorade for 10 cents, but watching my grocery bill drop by $35 last weekend gave me a weird urge to run out and buy some mom jeans and a minivan.

Psych.

But it was fun.

And I'm a nerd.

Have a healthy day,

J