Friday, August 2, 2013

Free to a good home

Anyone want a 6-year-old for, say, the rest of the summer? 

All you have to do is feed him cookies the size of his face,

Remind his coach that he bats left,

And give in after he begs you over and over and over and over to go to the playground to practice monkey bars. 

And then do yourself a favor and buy yourself some ear plugs.

 Because the second you bring him home from doing all of these fun things, he will insist that he's starving and needs a snack. 

He will then say your name 57 thousand times in a row as he follows you around asking what you're going to do for the rest of the day. He will have something smart to say back when you tell him to go play his brother, who contrary to what he wants you to believe, he loves more than life itself. 

He will probably attempt to roll his eyes at you at least once during the day. He may even stomp up the stairs at some point. You'll probably want to give him back before the day is done. 

Sorry, no trade-backs. 

But just when you're ready to lock yourself in your room and wish for a UFO to come take you away, he will want to climb up on your lap and remind you that you actually do like him. 

Ugh, fine. I'll keep him. 

But his days are seriously numbered. 

There must be a sleep-away camp for 6-year-olds. 

Have a healthy day. I'm going to force my kids to pretend they're napping. 


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