Trying Not To Lose My Cool

It's only the beginning of the second week of a very long summer break, and I already feel like these kids are sending me over the edge.  What the freak am I gonna do for the next two months with these heathens?

There are two things that my children do not know how to do: walk and speak quietly.  They have, however, mastered both running and yelling.  They do not stop talking from the time they open their eyes in the morning until their eyes shut (always involuntarily) hours after their intended bedtime.

Loving each other has taken on a new form.  Yes, they still invade each other's space, touch each other incessantly, and must be doing the same exact thing at the same exact time.  However, they are now fighting more than ever.  As in, screaming, tattling, toy-snatching, bickering and "you're not my brother"-ing ALL THE TIME.  The problem is that they won't just fight and leave each other alone for a while.  Ohhh nnoo.. they'll fight like crazy, someone (the 3-year-old) will cry loud enough to wake up the neighbors, I'll flip my lid, and they'll be back playing, touching, laughing, and being too rough all over again.  And so it goes.  All. Day. Long. 

See how nicely we're playing? 
We may or may not start whipping those little Army guys at eachother's faces at any second.

How in the name of God am I supposed to deal with this vicious cycle all flipping summer long?

I will admit, I am often my own worst enemy.  I'll think, "No problem, I've got all day to do anything I want.  I'm on vacation, Baby." Only to get to the end of the day, fall on to the couch after screaming up the stairs for a final time that "Everyone needs to shut their eyes NOOOWWWW!" and wondering, "What in the world did I get done today??" UGHHH!!  What a horrible feeling that is.

So I am trying my hardest this summer to build a routine and stick to a schedule.  I am very quick to forget that while I was all too excited for my schedule to change come June; the boys were not too pysched about how drastically their's changed.  One of them stopped going to school (and therefore stopped seeing his friends all the time). Their babysitter whom they loved stopped coming over. They have no set routine anymore; and no one to hang out with except themselves and their mother. 

I am vowing to break our days up in to kid- time and mama- time.  I will get them around their friends, but I won't overload them with activity.  I will force them to play with the gazillions of toys they have, and I won't step in every time I hear things starting to go awry. I will let them make a mess in the house, but will force them to pick up after themselves.  I will clean while they're watching TV, and will not feeling bad about sitting down when they actually decide that napping is fun. 

And I will pop a Xanax when s hits the fan. 

Have a healthy day,

J

Stressed. Out.

Those of you who know me know that being a good teacher isn't good enough for me.  I want to be great. I strive every day to be the type of teacher good enough for my own children.  So when things don't go as planned, and I have an off day (gasp!), I get stressed out.  Like, REALLY stressed out.  And I don't handle my stress well. 

Those of you who don't know me don't know what happened to me last year.  So here's the condensed version in 1 sentence or less:  I worked my butt off, got put in what I thought was a very unfair situation, felt as though my boss turned her back on me, started having some pretty serious anxiety attacks, started hating going to work, found out I had an irregular heartbeat, ended up visiting 4 different doctors,  spent 2 months in physical therapy because I could no longer bend my neck, and had to get massage therapy twice a week.  And here's the end result: the doctor told me to find a new job and to start doing more yoga.  So here I am a year later: a budding yoga-lover who works part-time in a new job.  I haven't had a single anxiety related symptom all year.  Until yesterday. 

Yesterday I revisited that ugly place that I thought I had left behind.  I had one of the worst days I had had in a very long time.  It was new and all-too-familiar all at the same time. And it sucked.

So I went home and did what I always do when I'm stressed- I ate. Whatever what was in reach.  Some Pringles, a quesadilla complete with sour cream (low-fat!), a few spoonfuls of chocolate ice cream. But something was different this time.  I was mindful for once of what was going on, and stopped myself dead in my tracks.  With my stomach still in knots and my mind still reeling, I headed outside and took it out on my bushes. (Hey, my yard needed to get ready for spring anyway.  Yesterday was as good a day as any to get it there.)

And by 11:00 last night, I was still a stressed out mess. (Yes, I realize it is neither healthy nor normal to let work affect me this way.  But I did tell you I don't handle my stress well.  I wasn't kidding.) After a night of not sleeping,  I did something mildly crazy at the totally crazy hour of 6 AM.   And I'm not gonna tell you until tomorrow, because it's an entirely different story.  But I'll leave you with these clues:  it did not involve unhealthy nutritional choices, and it is definitely NOT something I anticipated writing about.  But it happened.  And I felt SO GOOD afterwards! 



Have a healthy day,

J