Stressed. Out.

Those of you who know me know that being a good teacher isn't good enough for me.  I want to be great. I strive every day to be the type of teacher good enough for my own children.  So when things don't go as planned, and I have an off day (gasp!), I get stressed out.  Like, REALLY stressed out.  And I don't handle my stress well. 

Those of you who don't know me don't know what happened to me last year.  So here's the condensed version in 1 sentence or less:  I worked my butt off, got put in what I thought was a very unfair situation, felt as though my boss turned her back on me, started having some pretty serious anxiety attacks, started hating going to work, found out I had an irregular heartbeat, ended up visiting 4 different doctors,  spent 2 months in physical therapy because I could no longer bend my neck, and had to get massage therapy twice a week.  And here's the end result: the doctor told me to find a new job and to start doing more yoga.  So here I am a year later: a budding yoga-lover who works part-time in a new job.  I haven't had a single anxiety related symptom all year.  Until yesterday. 

Yesterday I revisited that ugly place that I thought I had left behind.  I had one of the worst days I had had in a very long time.  It was new and all-too-familiar all at the same time. And it sucked.

So I went home and did what I always do when I'm stressed- I ate. Whatever what was in reach.  Some Pringles, a quesadilla complete with sour cream (low-fat!), a few spoonfuls of chocolate ice cream. But something was different this time.  I was mindful for once of what was going on, and stopped myself dead in my tracks.  With my stomach still in knots and my mind still reeling, I headed outside and took it out on my bushes. (Hey, my yard needed to get ready for spring anyway.  Yesterday was as good a day as any to get it there.)

And by 11:00 last night, I was still a stressed out mess. (Yes, I realize it is neither healthy nor normal to let work affect me this way.  But I did tell you I don't handle my stress well.  I wasn't kidding.) After a night of not sleeping,  I did something mildly crazy at the totally crazy hour of 6 AM.   And I'm not gonna tell you until tomorrow, because it's an entirely different story.  But I'll leave you with these clues:  it did not involve unhealthy nutritional choices, and it is definitely NOT something I anticipated writing about.  But it happened.  And I felt SO GOOD afterwards! 



Have a healthy day,

J